December 2014
Recently I had a dispute with my parents. Thanksgiving just passed and that means it is officially Christmas season, and I wanted to inform them of my gift boundaries. Instead of making a wish list like my sister and mom do, I gave a slide show presentation of a "Gift Proposal" laying out all the things I wanted and why I believe these are reasonable requests, reminding them that I have always been a rather abstemious spender.
I was not expecting my father to react the way he did (I think it has something to do with the fact that I stood in front of the television when the Cougs were playing the Huskies). I had proposed my idea for a senior trip: the Mind-Body Restoration Retreat in New York this summer. I spent like six slides on this gift, explaining how it would benefit me, which I believe it would immensely. I am completely confident that I was mature and responsible about it and that my request was perfectly reasonable. But they apparently didn't.
They gave me the whole speech about how they didn't get any help from their parents when they were my age and they had to pay for college all by themselves. They have always "lived below their means." Completely contradicting that, my mother also gave me the speech about how if I truly wanted to do something I have financial support from my parents.
I am not asking for stupid unnecessary things. Half the things on my wish list are books (a thing of which most of my peers cringe at the mention). I also asked for a bicycle (I've been using my mom's bike for the time being) and a laptop for college next year. They should be so grateful that I am not only willing to ride a bicycle, but I want to. My sister on the other hand hasn't ridden a bicycle since fifth grade and refuses to, and my brother sits in the recliner playing video games 24/7. My dad said he already gives me a lot, like a car. But he fails to see that the car is not a luxury; it is a convenience, and moreover, a convenience for them. Not me. If we didn't have the extra car for me to drive, the only difference would be that they would have to drive me everywhere and pick up and drop off Hilary and Erik where I otherwise would have. My dad pointed out that I would take the bus if I didn't have a car, as if that is a threat. I've wanted to start taking the bus for a long time but it's overwhelming for a small-town local to try to navigate the transit system, and MY DAD discouraged me from taking the bus because its a lot "easier" just to drive 25 minutes to Port Angeles twice a week for class.
I don't know what else they want me to give up. I did everything right. I wrote a poem about this phenomenon once. I am not going to be miserable like they were just so it can be fair to them. I left this conversation feeling drained and guilty. I really thought they were going to embrace my ideas. I feel like my parents should be extremely grateful that they scored on such a nonmaterialistic of a millennial as their daughter, but I never feel appreciated. For example, my dad is always bitching about how I leave the cutting board out or I spill a drop of egg on the stove, but he should be SO LUCKY that I actually have an interest in real cooking and am committed to my health when most people my age don't know what a tablespoon is.
I am learning about arguments and persuasion in my English 101 class, which spends a great deal of attention to rhetoric. There are three ways to argue, one of them being the Rogerian method. This has three steps: explain both sides objectively, find mutual values shared between both parties, and then find a compromise that suits everyone involved. My dad tends to argue in a different way: dogmatically and proudly.
I announced that I would stop eating out in order to save money. My goal with this was to show them how determined I am and that I am willing to make sacrifices for this senior trip. But they weren't impressed. My dad twisted my words, saying "so since you're not grateful for getting breakfast in Port Angeles before class sometimes, you don't want to do that anymore?"
If there is one thing I have learned so far about people, its that LOVE HEALS. So instead of fighting them, I have vowed to make some changes to my life. I have decided to cut myself off from spending to allow my bank account to grow. I said I would pay for the plane ticket and lodging accommodations--which is approximately $600--as long as they pay for tuition.
Things keep interfering with my plan though. It's just my luck that this happens during the beginning of Christmas season . My sister told me she wants us and our brother to pool our money and get some get some gifts for our parents this year. I reluctantly told her I am not spending money anymore. I will probably write them a decorative letter in lieu of a store-bought gift (I have started doing that: I wrote one to Red Rooster Grocery staff and to my brother for his birthday). Also, the other day I got my first speeding ticket ever. So that means I'm down $113. And if that wasn't enough, Wen automatically billed me and my bank account went under, charging me $30. So I'm starting at -$90.
The worst part of all of this is that my mother told me not to spend any more money, as if I am notorious for frivolously spending money. I already made it clear that I am insisting on not spending any more money. I don't need her to tell me that.